Coping with loneliness as a long-term solo traveler

Deciding to take a career break was a big struggle for me. I went back and forth about whether I should go, and when all else failed, I brought it to…my therapist. She LOVED the idea and she was really excited for me, but she quickly had one warning for me. “You’re going to be lonely.”

Then she followed by telling me not to fight the loneliness, but to feel it and learn how to cope with it with healthy coping mechanisms.

And boy was she right. I got lonely, and had to lear to deal with the loneliness.

Now, I like alone time more than most, but y’all, the career break was hard. No Friday nights out with the girls, no happy-hours with coworkers, no quick lunches with friends. My career break methods of connection were texting, facetime and facebook/instagram. But boy, did I miss seeing familiar faces in person. Boy did I miss human contact, even a hug from someone I knew would be welcome most days.

I missed human connections.

I missed feeling seen.

But I’m tried to heed the words of my therapist. I’m tried to cope with the loneliness in healthy and productive manners.

Fortunately, some of my friends came to visit me on this trip, or I met them on their pre-planned trips, so about once a month I saw a familiar face.

I’ve made some friends along the way, by reaching out in travel groups I’m in to see who is in the city I am heading to.

I’ve also capped the length of my trips. Unless I was going to settle down and stay in a place for a long time, I headed back “home” every two months. A home-cooked meal, and people who love me every other month, cuts down on the invisible feeling I frequently got.

A friend who travels a lot suggested that I go to yoga classes, even if they are in languages I don’t understand. She also recommended going to American hotels in the middle of the day for tea or a glass of wine just to hear English. It took me a while to realize how exhausting it can be to never hear your native tongue spoken.

I coped with the loneliness by intentionally meeting people. I’ve even changed my location on dating apps before I’ve arrived in a city to have one or two people I can ask questions about the city. Even went on a pretty cool date from doing that. Without having my regular life to fall back on, I have had to stretch myself and go out of my way to meet new people. So I stepped out of my comfort zone and hung out with strangers. One of the upsides of this was that these strangers usually spoke English, and it was great to hear my native tongue after being surrounded by foreign languages for months.

This kind of travel isn’t for everyone, and if you’re going to do it, you have to figure out what is right for you. It was trial and error, and I went through a lot of error.

I’m here to say that if I can do it you can do it. Long-term traveling CAN be lonely, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t do it, and you won’t be okay.

You’re gonna be alright.

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